It is 2:34 AM in Santa Monica, CA. Never a good time to wake up and think about your life. You will never find the things you like about your life at 2:34 AM.
We head out in the RV again tomorrow after basically three weeks of indulging our collective selves in all things Christmas, family and friends. We have been staying in my brother and sister in laws lovely house on Palo Alto and now my friend Janet’s wonderful home in Santa Monica. We have been showering in proper bathrooms and have laundry facilities at our beck and call. We have been cooking in proper kitchens. We have friends and family to talk to who love us and remind us that we had lives prior to the RV. Friends and family to play board games with, learn from, share stories with and plan meals together.
Yesterday Janet, whom I have known since I was seven, and I spent the day at a Korean Message Palace in downtown LA soaking in hot bathes filled with detoxifying tea prior to the all over body lufa and head to toe message. For an hour and a half an elderly Korean woman rubbed me clean of 7 months of road warrior knots and calluses and washed my hair with eucalyptus. We never spoke, although she did ask me to turn over once.
The past three weeks have been a much appreciated vacation from our adventure.
But our 29’ reality is sitting parked in front of the house. I realize I have indulged myself these past few weeks in to thinking of the RV as a huge piece of luggage we can drive rather than a home, a lifestyle choice, my reality.
Oh shit. Here we go again. Back into the Big Pig. But these last two months on the road will be different because it is just that. Only two more months. “After 7 months of being homeless, 2 months is a piece of cake,” I tell myself. But at 2:34 in the morning it is my neurotic self that takes over.
A list! If I write a list of my issues then it will be written down and I can tackle it all in a systematic way. Virgos love lists. Very organized.
Problem: I drink too much. Solution: Stop drinking.
Problem: I am fat. Solution: Stop eating
Problem: My kids don’t eat right. Solution: Give them healthy foods.
Problem: My husband doesn’t eat right. Solution: Yell at him.
Problem: Nobody is sleeping enough. Solution: Sleep more.
Problem: We all sleep too much. Solution: Set an alarm.
Problem: We need to find a place to live. Solution: Internet
Problem: We need to find jobs. Solution: Start looking.
This freak out is different from the one in September when I was staring at 7 months of vast expanses of prairie looming in front of me. I can start to feel my freak outs as slipping back in to being more pedestrian. More like everyone else’s. Finding jobs, looking for work, fitting into my clothes. Oh brother. Now I am freaking out that my freak outs aren’t as unique anymore.
A whole new level of Freak Out. Too absurd.
Gentle Reader, may I leave you with a thought for the new year…
may 2010 be filled with something to laugh about everyday. Even if is it the ridiculousness of your own freak outs at 2:34 AM...make that 2:53 AM.
Good night.
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